A fib is a lie, a casual untruth, a child’s attempt to deflect blame. When he was a child, his mom encouraged him to do well. He managed the occasional stroke of genius. She demanded excellence. Maybe he could achieve what she had not. Every small victory became the subject of her boasts to family, neighbors, his friends’ moms. He hated it, unable to see or understand then that gaping hole in her own self-esteem which she hoped his accomplishments might fill. The pressure was too much: he developed headaches, stomach aches, hypertension, a lifetime of nervous ailments.
Every age has its own challenges. He survived childhood and then some. It was time for a routine colonoscopy. However, at the pre-prep visit, the nurse said he’d have to reschedule the procedure. The nurse ordered up an EKG. His heart beat funny, and it was no joke.
His mother had had a recent stroke that left her debilitated. So when the cardiologist told him that this irregular heartbeat rhythm increased the likelihood of a stroke, he listened. He took the prescribed blood thinner. He wore a monitor for the prescribed two weeks, then sent it off in the mail. Eventually, the cardiologist forwarded the results. The only extended time when his heart went haywire was the day of his mother’s birthday. It was no coincidence, he thought. Just more evidence of the gift that keeps giving.
A diagnosis:
Atrial fibrillation.
A fib is his truth.
is a widely published poet, fiction writer, and musician. He is recently retired from teaching. He was awarded in 2024 the Peter Heinegg Literary Award from Union College, and guest-curated the Fall 2025 issue of Sheila-Na-Gig Online. He is the author of five poetry collections: Inside Outrage (Sheila-Na-Gig Editions, 2022), an Eric Hoffer Medal Provocateur finalist; A Careful Contrition (Shanti Arts, 2021); Rocky Landscape with Vagrants (Cyberwit, 2020); Worth the Candle (Five Oaks Press, 2017); and Small Consolations (Aldrich Press, 2015). He also has two poetry chapbooks in print: Memory Marries Desire (Finishing Line Press, 2016) and The Covalence of Equanimity (SurVision Books, 2020), a winner of the 2019 James Tate International Poetry Prize.
