I am a very bad Buddhist. 
My house is a mess. 
I carry so much anger in my pockets 
it might pull my pants off. 
Jesus is always showing up 
and telling me Christianity ain’t so bad 
if you really understand it. 
Magdalene is walking up and down 
in front of my house. 
I’m going to invite her in for coffee. 
My rabbi friend 
shows me how to midrash 
Abraham and Isaac. 
God is very annoyed with Abraham 
for even having the idea 
of sacrificing his son. 
The ram is smarter than him. 
But I am a very very bad Buddhist. 
I have so many sex fantasies I can’t concentrate. 
And I’m an old man! 
At night I fly in my dreams. 
I fly over the neighborhood I grew up in. 
Sarah Hackle pulls my pants down. 
Maybe that’s where it all started. 
It will be until the Sixties when someone else 
pulls my pants down. 
Bad Doug, bad Buddhist. 
But I’m in my skin. 
I can see a puritan on the street, 
any flavor of Puritan: 
Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Jew, 
any of them, 
and tell them, I know what’s going on 
in your head, 
you can’t fool me. 
I am a bad Buddhist. 
I will become fertilizer for a marvelous tree. 
My bad habits 
will reincarnate and wind up in some Republican’s body. 
I have a soft heart, a tender heart. 
You can look at me funny and I’ll cry. 
I have so much love it overflows into my soup. 
They won’t let me into restaurants anymore. 
I am a bad Buddhist. 
I’m going to bed now. 
Fuck off. 
I love you. 

Doug Anderson

is a poet and memoirist whose books include Undress, She Said (Four Way Books, 2022). His memoir Keep Your Head Down: Vietnam, the Sixties, and a Journey of Self-Discovery was published by W. W. Norton in 2009.

More on the Web: By, About, and Beyond

⚡ The Numbers, haibun story by Doug Anderson in MacQueen’s Quinterly (Issue 25, September 2024)

⚡ The Photographer, haibun by Anderson in Issue 24 of MacQ (August 2024)