When he opens the electric bill, 
Dracula gets a shock. 

He stomps through the house 
demanding all lights, fans 
and fish tanks be shut down. 

It’s hard on the rest of the family 
who are missing the vampire gene. 
They fumble around, stumble 
over furniture, bump into walls. 

The kids can’t see to do their homework. 
Everyone blames him when the fish go belly up. 

Dracula considers solar panels. 
“First, we’ll need a new roof,” his wife says. 
“But before that, the house has to be tented for termites.” 

Now that Renfield’s gone, the insects are out of control. 

I knew we should have kept him, Dracula 
wants to say, then thinks better of it. 

Life was so much simpler when he lived in the castle, 
had servants and slept in his coffin. 
Over a thousand years of serenity 
exchanged for mortal life. 

Dracula is not the first man to wonder 
why he gave up the singles scene. 
Seduced by big green eyes  
and a pair of legs that seem to go on forever. 

While he tries to make sense of it all, 
Dracula takes a chance on the sun. 

He peers through the blinds, 
watches his wife water the xeriscape. 

She is wearing short shorts. 

Patricia L. Scruggs

is the author of one poetry collection, Forget the Moon. Her work has been nominated recently for a Pushcart Prize, and has appeared in Burningword Literary Journal, Crab Creek Review, Cultural Weekly [now Cultural Daily], Inlandia, MacQueen’s Quinterly, ONTHEBUS, Rattle, RipRap, and Spillway, among others; as well as in these anthologies: 13 Los Angeles Poets, So Luminous the Wildflowers, and Beyond the Lyric Moment.

Born in Colorado, Patricia spent ten formative years in Alberta, Canada before taking root in Southern California. She earned her MFA at California State University, Fullerton. Now a retired art teacher, she and her husband of 60+ years are parents of two and grandparents of three.

More on the Web: By, About, and Beyond

⚡ Contemporary Stuff in Burningword Literary Journal (July 2023)

⚡ A Dazzle of Zebras Escapes From a Maryland Farm in MacQueen’s Quinterly (Issue 12, March 2022)